I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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