So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
