dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
