she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
