i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
