dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
