I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
