Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
