i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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