so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
