this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
