the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
