Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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