Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
