What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
