I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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