i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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