Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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