She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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