She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
