apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
