dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
