Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
