Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
