how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
