Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
