I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
