i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
