You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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