You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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