Me too!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
