I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
