I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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