I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
