every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
