Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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