I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
