I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
