He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
