I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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