i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
