My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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