when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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