Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
