is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
