new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
