there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
