The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
