so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
