So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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