My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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