I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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