Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
