So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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